It’s no secret.
I’m a real princess.
Here’s a picture of me.
I’m perfect, in every way.
Don’t fuck with me, or you’ll be sorry.
I wrote the Code, all by myself.
You like that?
Alright, I’m busy doing other stuff.
Ya know?
That’s right.
That’s right!
Author: Princess Aiko
brb
I’ve been busy.
It feels pretty good to be back.
It’s great to see all my friends again.
I’m just gonna chill.
I might shoot some miners.
That sounds relaxing.
Oh, ok, let’s check it out.
Inpendius > these motherfuckers just attacked me in hisec for no fkn reason
Fyrrenn Groning > shouldve bought a permit
KHANID PRIME GIGOLO > i make lawyer report on gankers
Inpendius > FUCK YOU
Kblocks Biggums > he was doing missions
Inpendius > I WASN’T RUNNING A MISSION, I WAS FLYING BACK TO MY HOME BASE, THEY JUMPED ME AT THE GATE IN OSMON
Kristine K0chanski > should use the jump drive thats what its for
Inpendius > STFU dumbass becuase im reporting them and this will go to court for real life consequences
Neat!
Notaminer
A lot of miners pass through Highsec.
They are still miners, even if they aren’t mining.
Mining is not an act, but a way of life.
Once a miner, always a miner.
Fun fact: You can be a miner, without ever mining.
Calm down miners.
They want to trick you.
They think you are stupid.
They want you to feel sorry for them.
They are liars and scammers.
Just kill them all.
F Off!
Miners are always happy to see me.
I’m their best friend (and their legal guardian).
w/e
I’ve been busy, and I just want to relax.
I’m sure you understand.
I’ve received a lot of feedback and suggestions.
That’s great!
What is with miners and cancer?
Well, ok then.
Chillno
Chillso Ace isn’t very chill.
He explained why.
He doesn’t have to be.
Instead, Chillso can curse mat Otsito (and his family).
First, they will get cancer, and then the government death panel.
As Chillso explained, mat is a mass murdering psychopath in real-life. Therefore, it is only just and fair that mat’s entire family be stricken with cancer (before their public execution). As a man, mat must accept Chillso’s judgment.
The next day, Chillso made a simple proposition.
If mat kills himself, that would make it easier to mine.
Many years ago, the Mittani joked about suicide, and this is often cited as evidence of the Mittani’s depraved mind. Consequently, when the Mittani heard about Chillso, he asked mat to give the miner a second chance.
Meanwhile, Chillso reached out to local miners, including two imperial informants. As it turns out, Chillso is conducting a coordinated psyops campaign intended to convince mat to kill himself (in real life).
Chillso is allowed to do this. Right?
It’s just a game.
Meanwhile, Krig Povelli was warned by CCP, because he is Muslim.
I’m glad CCP has sensible policies, which are fairly enforced.
Indeed, Krig has been cursed for fifty years.
Friends Forever
A working girl has bills to pay.
I like when men notice me.
aphunmc gave me a great idea.
MarshallTeagan > so if you wanna take care of you permit aphreshmc for 30mil for 1 year we can do that?
aphreshmc > MarshallTeagan i will literally shit down ur moms throat
Aiko Danuja > aphreshmc if i had a billion isk i could stand up to these fuckers
Aiko Danuja > id buy myself a faction jammer and fuck them up
aphreshmc > MarshallTeagan im gnna kill u
Aiko Danuja > aphreshmc can i have 50 million isk please
aphreshmc > k
Aiko Danuja > thanks friend
Aiko Danuja > aphreshmc Can I borrow another 50 million isk please?
Aiko Danuja > Thank you friend.
aphreshmc > frendz
aphreshmc > D:
I would take money from him and his alts.
I love borrowing from friends.
It’s the best part of EVE.
This is how I play.
I’m your best friend, always!
Aiko Danuja > aphunmc can i borrow 50 million isk please
aphunmc > i just spent ALL my isk
Zeroskillzz > aphunmc can i borrow 50 mil to give to Aiko?
aphunmc > Aiko Danuja arent u like in charge here?
I’m in charge of this friendship.
That’s right.
Some girls are mean.
I’ll put a spell on you.
All I want is bling.
Ya know?
I deserve it.
I’m entitled.
Highsec Miner Grab Bag #236
Miners are always looking for a good deal.
They sure got a lot to say.
What is wrong with them?
Evan got banned for calling someone a shit beta, and implying they eat fuck rice. That’s pretty salty, not gonna lie, but why does CCP intervene? The salt is amusing, not offensive, and nobody should get banned for making us laugh.
We don’t play EVE for the terrible UI, glitchy mechanics, uninspiring graphics, or tedious grinding. We only log in for the engaging drama.
Only loosers and lossers report salt to CCP.
I didn’t vote for Trump (or Hillary), and I would have voted to impeach, but I don’t want to purge all the politically incorrect players. Let’s not cater to hypersensitive snowflakes, who seek to water this game down.
I enjoy a little “locker room” talk.
I love the passion.
I’ve got no issue with rice eaters, I’m one too. In fact, Evan is half Japanese, so it’s racist to call him racist for calling you a rice eater. Someone in London (or Iceland) banned an Asian, claiming he was racist against Asians – that’s reverse racism.
This is an international game, so let’s embrace xenophobia.
Maybe, if miners can work out their anger-management issues in EVE Online, then they won’t beat their wife in real-life.
shhh
Hey, I’m Princess Aiko.
I’m the most important person in the galaxy.
I want miners to be content.
I know what they need.
They need to calm down.
Calm down and die.
Just die quietly, with dignity and grace.
I love to help.
See ya around!
Another Victory
Previously, in Highsec… someone has been hunting down blingy furry marauders, snuffing out their pitiful yiffs in a dark abyss…
The EVE community was in shock.
Subsequently, Victor Medvil (a powerful Highsec miner, with advanced military-industrial skills) began publicly denouncing me.
Since I am open-minded, I wondered if this were true. This was my #METOO moment. The truth about Aiko was out! My organization was orchestrating an intergalactic conspiracy of mental illness related sexual abuse. Allegedly.
Reporters were requesting my appearance on the Intergalactic News Network, where I was expected to admit my involvement in sexual terrorism.
I drafted a response, but it felt empty and hollow. Something was missing. I needed to find a way to prove, once and for all, that I am pure Heroin.
Suddenly, an idea came to me. I would set myself an impossible task, a feat that would even impress James 315. I would convince staticfxx’s boydogfriend to calm down, accept me as High Princess, and purchase a mining permit.
Some people say that I’m a witch.
That’s right.
