Agents – Page 55 – ‎James 315 Space

True Love

Jonathan knows that angels are real.

Like most miners, he suffers from Dunning-Kruger syndrome.

Jon is an IRL space peasant, with low life expectancy.

Believe it or not, there are more important things than sex.

Miners need to pay rent, taxes, penalties, surcharges, and protection fees.

Jon was glad his spaceship exploded. Now he had a reason to go shopping.

Meanwhile, other miners wandered through my Why Was I Ganked? channel.

Jon began to understand the nature of industrialized griefing.

He thus felt a desire to help, but had little to offer.

He was in love, and struggled with spelling.

To be continued…

BONUS CONTENT

Watch Foo-Foo the Snoo!

This salty miner has several outbursts. Someone is MAD (and AFK)!

Be sure to subscribe!

OH LOOK! ASSHOLES!

He claims to be a noob, but we know the truth!

OH LOOK! ASSHOLES!

Uedama Blues

Sometimes, we like to shoot one another.

We can afford it.

Lucy was autopiloting through Uedama.

When she returned to her computer, she was surprised to learn of a gank attempt.

Like most antigankers, zebra 407 felt unappreciated.

He claimed to be Lucy’s bumping saviour.

Lucy checked her logs, and concluded otherwise.

zebra is just a lowlife scammer.

WoW! Just WoW! Antiganking is failing SO hard right now! Daily!

I’m glad I don’t have to beg for isk.

That’d be super embarrassing.

Laugh out Loud.

Big Trouble in Zeroland

Marilyn Manson has been concerned.

Apparently, it’s not safe to mine in a zero security warzone?

That whore Elise better pay her rent!

What happens when you recruit a mining Quisling?

What happens when you form an alliance of bot aspirants?

The null tutorial is getting harder.

Pandemic Horde has never seen such a crisis.

Is it possible to anti-awox?

What kind of person would grief innocent nullbears?

It’s just sad.

I’m scared of nullsec, and I am not Slimy Worm.

Isanamo Ventures

Like many Zionists, Goldstein simply wants money.

Fortunately, more experienced miners can help.

Alas, all miners must die.

Of course, it would be anti-Semitic to think all Zionists are miners.

Indeed, Shekelstein kills miners.

He seeks to create a holy land, free and pure.

However, bigots like Toekeshi oppose this dream.

Such people are consumed by hate.

Toekeshi began chanting, as Shekel cleansed Isanamo.

Docked up, with no spaceship, there was nothing else to do.

Toekeshi wondered, whether Shekelstein might be an internet tough guy.

Actually, Shekelstein is a big strong man, in real life!

What a stud.

Previously in James 315 space… Julian Snelders staked out a claim for the New Order, in low security space, bravely defending himself against miners (without the protections of CONCORD or the faction police).

Local miners began to shun him.

They shamed him.

They refused to play with him.

When noks1k completed his exodus, Julian was waiting.

noks demanded immediate reparations.

Julian owes him a new warpcore stabilizer!

Meanwhile, noks needs to attend a remedial computing basics course.

Although, he insists everything is under control.

Ultimately, noks is just another Highsec scammer.

He even tried to extort Julian.

Apparently, noks is under the impression that we protect miners.

He thinks we need miners.

This is just sad…

Poor miner!

Only in Olfeim

Listening to: Friends in Low Places

James 315 taught us to be scared of lowsec, because we cannot gank without CONCORD protection. I always hesitate before heading there, knowing it is safer to go the long way round, with my faction police escort. However, the new Safety. alliance includes members who have never even spoken to James.

Julian Snelders was recently hanging out in Olfheim, a scary 0.4 place which is rumoured to harbour mean space griefer bullies. Julian sure was surprised, when he discovered that pirate captain chummstick was just a typical Highsec miner.

chummstick was amazed by Julian’s elite PvP prowess.

After conquering Olfheim, Julian decided to rule the system in my name.

It sure is a small galaxy.

Pro tip: Look how much better my screenshots are!

After encountering me in Isanamo, noks1k fled to Olfeim.

Did noks really think he could escape the long arm of the law?

To be continued…

The last one to know
The last one to show

And I saw the surprise
And the fear in his eyes

‘Cause I’ve got friends in low places

Where the Tengus cloak
And the tidi chases my blues away
And I’ll be okay

Think I’ll slip on down to Heimatar
Oh, I’ve got friends in low places

Blame it all on my roots
I’ve been there before

Judhas was upset.

Judhas was upset.

He was caught.

What would his mother think?

At least, he is a happy miner.

Subnormals often act this way.

Honestly, I don’t speak Mando’ade.

I also don’t believe in the mining religions.

I just want to help the mining caste.

How do I do it?

Sometimes, people wonder, how do I write the blog?

The truth is, the blog writes itself.

You can’t make this stuff up.

Miners are salty, bad at EVE, and generate endless content.

It’s really their own fault.

Frankly, they deserve it.

Miners disgust me!

Ewww!

Gross.

OmG.

Let’s just kill all the miners!

How to Sell a Mining Permit, Part 10

Previously, in James 315 space… We learned about little Odbayar, the Mongolian menace, who lost everything in order to please Princess Aiko.

Carebear crybabies often wave the white banner, loudly proclaiming that so-called ‘scams’ are bad for the game. However, in fact, Odbayar never quit EVE. Instead, he’s doubled down, losing everything with gusto. If you don’t kill him, and take his stuff, I guarantee someone else will. He clearly enjoys it.