Sun Tzu – Page 11 – ‎James 315 Space

The Best Revenge, Part 83

Listening to (while dunking Ventures): Spartaque

Previously on James315.Space… The new Goonswarm emperor in training is quantum, aka Aiva Naali, aka 140, aka Fighter Jets GuitarSolo, aka anaCheeya ANARKY, who decided one day to demand a situation report from Fleet Command.

Fortunately, his martial instincts enable him to grasp the situation before his Lieutenants can even respond. Our Goonfuehrer grasps the galactic battlefield with what the Emperor Napoleon described as the ‘coup d’oeil’ or ‘stroke of the eye’. With a mere glance into space, he can readily surmise the optimal strategy.

James was always a simple man, and he often railed against the so-called N+1 problem. However, Agent Anvil understands that you can always +1 to infinity, which means that an n+! approach will inevitably one-up your opponent. It is a doctrine of sheer brilliance, and sometimes brute force is what we need. He also issued a spur of the moment doctrine update, with an inspiring speech. Sun Tzu couldn’t have said it better.

Unfortunately, the High Command struggled to keep up with this voluminous content, and let me tell you from experience — running a galactic space empire is a lot of work! When 315 aka Tweeps aka Loyalanon aka Kalloornded aka Globby aka Chribba came into Teamspeak and offered to sell me the mighty CODE. alliance, provided I agree to write the blog and promptly transfer the $23,500 I got from Kelroth, I thought it sounded great. Like all that good karma was finally catching up to me.

However, sometimes I wish I bought more space shoes.

Quantum was no mere puppet, and he casually let the Goon Navy know his supper weapons were built with hidden mechanics. If they were ever misapplied or turned against the ‘lil bullet, hellfire would rain down upon Fortress Delve.

Hours turned into days, as Princess Aiko composed the final draft.

Good news! The elite strikeforce Wolf Squadron was still able to muster nearly 96 combat ready vessels, penetrating deep behind enemy lines in heroic suicide attacks. Meanwhile, only a quarter of the fleet had been lost to theft, defection, and outright incompetence. It was, as they say, “within parameters”. There was only one concern, the Wolves wanted to swap out their cloaks and upgrade to maximum fighting fits. With an imperious tone, the Kingpin waved his hand and unleashed the Wolves!

Quantum still needed reports from Lanceing Team, Main Fleet, and the Venerated Old Guard League of Spooky Cap Hunters.

To be continued…

Do Your Own Thing

On Your Own Terms

Follow Your Curiosity

Get What You Came For

There Are No Constraints

Jump

Kill

Welcome to EVE!

How to Sell a Mining Permit, Part 4

How to Sell a Mining Permit, Part 1

Previously on James315.Space… Odbayar was delighted to learn that mining permits are just 30 million isk, and every purchase qualifies for instant doubling. He wanted to get rich quick, greedily applying for liberal handouts.

Whadda Badasaz was generous, offering to quadruple Odbayar’s isk. Even better, if Odbayar signed up today, he would qualify for an extra BONUS.

Agents of the New Order are always eager to help newbros, and began patiently explaining how to create an official business contract.

Odbayar began voluntarily transferring his assets.

Many EVE players would let Odbayar dwell in isolation, without content, but our CODE. agents encouraged Odbayar to develop his own story.

Odbayar was happy to finally be playing EVE.

Odbayar originally claimed that he only had one ship, but this was revealed to be a rotten lie. He was trying to scam our elite agents, pretending to have nothing left, and yet he always managed to pull one more item out of his hangar. As Sun Tzu famously wrote, “You can squeeze water from a rock, if you squeeze gently.”

Odbayar explored his inventory, and was amazed to find forgotten items. Fortunately, Princess Aiko was willing to liquidate everything.

To be continued…

BONUS: Blake McAllister of New Order Mining Authority has produced this poster, perfect for your bedroom wall.

A New Blog, for a New Order

Previously on MinerBumping…

Hello there, old friend… and a Merry Fourth to you! Hey, why don’t you come in, and stay awhile? Pardon all the dust, I’ve been remodeling. There’s been a lot of newfangled changes, and… you want to discuss the New Order? Well my, where should I begin?

“…a whiny highsec miner is hardly capable of writing history; his participation is limited to having his profanity-laced tears collected and published in a coherent narrative…”

Less than a fortnite ago, I was a humble agent, joining fleets and having beers with the boys; I even played Minecraft with Loyal. Naturally, I wanted to know what it was like in the trenches, but as a daughter of the Order, my ascension was inevitable.

Boyo, those were the days…

“Which brings me to those who still have questions about a world in which there are no new MinerBumping posts. For one thing, there is great prestige to be had in going back and reading everything again from the beginning.”

Of course, if you are too illiterate to read your complete annotated guide to EVE history, Angelos Mortis has concisely summarized an Idiot’s Guide to MinerBumping. Thank you kindly, Angelos!

Not to blare my own trumpet, but MinerBumping is quite a blog. One of the great works of non-fiction. What’s that? You want a sequel? Oh my… I don’t know about that friend, writing is a lot of work and surely I’ve got better things to do with my valuable time…

“It’s a great time to think about how awesome the Code is and how lucky we all are to be experiencing it… As unimaginable as it is, I’m going to help you imagine a world without the Code.”

Scary, eh? That’s what happens when you lack full faith! Fortunately, the mighty Code is more powerful, and shall always be enforced by those who have the will and (more importantly) the ability. As Sun Tzu once said, “When people see a strong horse and a weak horse, by nature, they will like the strong horse.” That’s reality my friend.

A lot of Highsec miners have been afraid. Without the guiding light of our Saviour, who will save them? Did they really think He was gone? As you know, your local highway police will document the shameful exploits of every goofus, and plaster their foolish faces upon a billboard. Our fair government understands that public shaming is not a form of cruel bullying, but merely the only appropriate reaction.

Oh dear. What can I say? Calm down miners.

Anyways, why don’t you come back tomorrow, and we can discuss this foolishness. Would you like that?

To be continued…